I’ve been struggling through the years with the concepts of ownership, structure, and authority. I came out of grad school swinging at all three. I was simply done with anyone and anything stifling the way I prefer to write, what I prefer to read, and even what I do with my days. I sincerely thought when I finished my degree that I’d finally be free. I thought the words would flow, that my creativity would come rushing back to me, that all I needed was the absence of an institution over my head. Instead, I travelled deeper into a long, dark night of the soul.
And thank goodness for that. What I didn’t realize, even if I understood the concept intellectually, was that the structures I felt the need to rebel against still existed within me. You know, that whole internalization of oppression thing… My internal predator, my ego, my demons, still clung to ideas that made me feel guilty and ashamed about the person my higher self was calling me to be. Conventionality still held power through conditioning, through shame, guilt, and doubt.
I had to set out on a journey of unfolding, dismantling, and seeing what was behind the old walls that kept me trapped. It has been a journey of unlearning, of facing those demons, of clearing away the unnecessary. And it’s been a long one.
What does this have to do with the Ace of Disks and the Emperor? After dismantling the old power structure, you have to build a new one for yourself. It’s taken me some time, but it is clear that I need to build new webs of internalized understanding when it comes to authority, structure, and ownership. I need to hand the reigns over to myself. I need to stand in my own authority. Create my own structure. Take ownership of all that I am and all that I seek to create. Especially now.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to look at your relationship to authority, ownership, and structure. Both inside and outside of yourself. Remember to grant these tools of empowerment to yourself, first and foremost. Especially when embarking on new projects, creative ventures, activism, work, etc. Just because it’s new to you does not mean you should feel disempowered or voiceless.